im eating soup because im sick, because thats what you do when youre sick.

I want to know when I started living my life in slow motion thanks to anxiety. I didnt use to be like this, did I? Not wanting to return phone calls, checks emails, or go to the bank (maybe Im just lazy about the bank thing). I know the root cause. It’s fear. And since when did I let fear run my life? I go through seasons of my life being so anti-fear, but right now it seems that I have forgotten the freedom that comes with casting off fear.

I had a dream while I was napping yesterday afternoon that I was in my kitchen with a bunch of family friends, everyone was just talking and stuff. And I saw my laptop, and I had the urge to get on it and go to Eckerd College’s website, the college I got into but didnt go to. In my dream, I was so curious about it and what my life would have been like had I gone there. And in the dream, I was so excited to go to the website and thoughts of transfering floated into my head and I was like “shannon, this school has your major, the one you are at now doesnt. What were you thinking?”. And so I log onto the website in front of everyone in the kitchen and Im afraid that everyone will be really upsest/think im crazy for going to the website. Thats all I remember. Weird. I tend to have odd dreams when im sick.

I  mean, I had good reasons for not going to that school. The classes didnt seem challenging. Florida is far away. hm. And Im happpy where I am. Right?